It’s not uncommon for the Teen Mom stars to open up about some of the darker parts of their lives. In fact, viewing their hardships is what makes it easy for fans to learn and grow alongside them. Now, one star is sharing one of the darkest moments in their lives.
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Source: Instagram @catelynnmtv
As more and more national attention is being placed on depression and other mental illnesses, it's not uncommon for the celebrities and the Teen Mom stars to speak out about their own struggles with certain diagnoses. But sometimes, it’s not easy to keep your head above water. Now, one Teen Mom star is sharing that at a particularly low point in their lives, they considered suicide.
Source: Instagram @catelynnmtv
Source: Instagram @tylerbaltierramtv
These days, it’s no secret that Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra have both experienced huge battles with seemingly unbeatable demons. After overcoming the struggles of facing a miscarriage, the couple have become advocates for mental health. But that doesn’t meant they don’t continue to struggle with their own mental illnesses.
Now, Tyler is revealing some of his darkest thoughts — in the form of expressive poetry.
“I know it’s getting deep out here, but hang in there, it keeps going & there’s more from my heart that I gotta pour,” begins one of his recent poems.
“Now imagine a little boy almost 12 years old with an angry core & he’s already smoking & trying to find a way to not have his mind collapse on the floor. He goes to school, no he’s not a fool, his grades are good, but he’s more comfortable with his attitude & uses his anger as his tool to get through.”
Source: Instagram @tylerbaltierramtv
Credit: MTV
He reveals what happened during his adolescence, writing, “He enjoys arguing, has an authority problem, loves watching these teachers get worked up hatin cause they think that boredom is really the problem like it’s so common, he gets suspended but no, that boy ain’t stoppin.”
Tyler’s relationship with his father Butch has always been a point of great happiness and sadness throughout his life, and his poem touches on this as well. “It doesn’t bother him that bad cause he knows this week he’s gonna see his Dad. But ya see, later on that week, he gets a call from his Dad that makes his knees become weak.”
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Source: Twitter @TylerBaltierra
“‘Sorry Son, your Dad f*cked up again, I have to go back to living in prison ya see, this is hard on me,’” Tyler’s poem continues. “Are you f*cking kidding me, this is hard for me man, don’t you see! His face cringes with pain & he collects his tears as his ears hear the collect call disappear.”
Tyler reveals that this incident is what triggered his suicidal thoughts: “He sits in the middle of the kitchen, tears are falling to the floor as he rests his head on the cabinet door & asks what is this life even worth living for?”
Source: Snapchat @tyler.baltierra
Source: Instagram @catelynnmtv
“He sees the knives on the counter, he thinks maybe he can go out that way, he just wants his mind to stop the wander, to stop the shower, of all these emotions that hold all the power, stacked as high as a tower & that tower keeps holding the power to blocking the sunlight, he’s lost in this dark city of towers & now he’s lost in this dark fight, so now he realizes he really has lost all the power,” Tyler writes. Then he recalls his suicide attempt.
“He climbs up a tree in the backyard & starts to ponder. As tears fall from his cheeks, he can see the rope that’s tied to a tire, where he used to swing as a kid just to see if he could get higher. He’s always been a fighter, but he thinks today is his time to surrender. He grabs that rope, ties it around his neck, then jumps with the weight of all his emotions & he can’t seem to cope with all that, which makes the rope snap back.”
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A post shared by Tyler Baltierra (@tylerbaltierramtv) on
“He sees the knives on the counter, he thinks maybe he can go out that way, he just wants his mind to stop the wander, to stop the shower, of all these emotions that hold all the power, stacked as high as a tower & that tower keeps holding the power to blocking the sunlight, he’s lost in this dark city of towers & now he’s lost in this dark fight, so now he realizes he really has lost all the power,” Tyler writes. Then he recalls his suicide attempt.
“He climbs up a tree in the backyard & starts to ponder. As tears fall from his cheeks, he can see the rope that’s tied to a tire, where he used to swing as a kid just to see if he could get higher. He’s always been a fighter, but he thinks today is his time to surrender. He grabs that rope, ties it around his neck, then jumps with the weight of all his emotions & he can’t seem to cope with all that, which makes the rope snap back.”
“He sees that rope swinging there eerily under the blue sky where these free birds fly,” Tyler recalls. “He’s envious that these birds can just fly & he’s jealous that these birds don’t have to sit here in the dirt while still gasping for air as his neck stars to bleed & really starts to hurt.”
Read Tyler’s full poem above.
Tyler has shared that his recent efforts in therapy and support from his wife Catelynn, who has also suffered from suicidal thoughts has helped him feel more stable. He uses poetry as an outlet to alleviate some of his negative thoughts.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
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